Slipping

Christmas is for those with family.

I lack one although I'm apparently "accepted" by many.

Father called....

Those convos are always fun.

With so much i feel so lost. Like who understands?

I feel I'm losing what I cherish most of anything and it scares me daily

hard to try and not think about it so I'm going to bed

sleep helps me not think and leave me with dreams to wake up from that i can try and decipher

Goodnight.

What Happened Last Night?

Shit I Was Drunk In Mexico On Christmas Eve.

Somehow ended up in a group pile on the beach having waves wash up into my face for a wakeup call

Tried to stumble back into our resort but im so dark they thought i was mexican so i had to try and prove my ethnicity though a slurred speech.

You know you were fucked up when your drunk the next morning.

Well i was fucked up.

Mom was worried but after i did what i do best and get everybody together whos under 25 and above 17 we started exchanging names, numbers, information, blah blah

Its christmas and it sure as hell doesn't feel like it.

But eh fuck it; 

I had a good ass time.

Mom's A Fuckin Cry Baby

Cause Were At This Resort And I'm Not Content With Just Sitting By The Pool?

I'm a fucking guy like i dont do spa shit and its not like im complaining or nuthin lol

But since I'm bored she decides to make a big huff about paying all this money for this nice room and food and blah blah like I should be happy?

First off she never asked if this is where i wanted to go.

Never thought that since we are club level that everyone else would have to be elsewhere (all the families who have more than 2 people) cause they can't afford 4 or 5 people for club level.

I'm going ape shit sitting by the pool everyday but I feel like at the end of the day all else i got to do is go into town and I'll be damned if I'm kidnapped by some crazy mexicans lol

I know im blessed to able to come to a nice ass resort like this with v.i.p. everything but damnit i just wish i could watch regular tv and be on the couch with my wife.

Anger

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. You try so hard to hold on to your fleeting seconds of good fortune for the yang is not too far from the ying.

Anger is an acid that does massive damage to the vessel it is stored in, rather than the occupant its poured onto. 

Please believe my psyche was once solid. Now once hairline fractures are now fissures, scouring the ones i hold dear with my boiling hot rage for they are the closest. Yes there are good and bad times, but my mood changes much more often than my fortune. I long for the day I can be passive aggressive again. See the only thing stopping me is that I now have too much to care about. I hold the reins of too many carriages filled to the brims with my hopes and dreams and I'll be damned if I let them be squandered on petty apathy. My mother may be in a good place but shes far from help in trying to help me get through these last couple of "teen years".

My anger blows out the lamp of my mind, leaving me tearing through innocent bystanders till i regain "consciousness ". 

Anger is an expensive luxury in which only men of a certain income can indulge and I'll be damned if this recession isn't making me bite my tongue. 

Some take over anger to somewhat intimidate their subordinates, but eventually, you'll just find the anger taking over you.  Then you too can no longer patch the cracks of your sanity with bubblegum promises and band aid therapy

When it comes to anger, lost is where you'll find yourself.

Im In Mexico

Not Going To Go Into Too Much Detail For It's Pretty Baller Here And My Shits All Included.

Yes My Friends.

All Access, Everythings Paid For Already, Going On A Bar Tour Tonight With The Fellas

Shit Should Be Cool And I'm Going Shopping Tomorrow For Shit

No, I Will Only Be Getting A Souvenir For My Wife.

All i can think about is her but im not going into detail for im writing her her christmas gift.

So for now, no freebies ;p