I've Taken A Detour.

I'm finally back on my normal track.

I have spoken on the fact that I tried to give people a chance, you know even change the way I think and such.  

Doesn't Work.

For me to begin liking people would mean people would have to change.  I don't see anything happening in the immediate future so I'm stuck with this fate of being a prick.  I don't care for personal opinions for I have to first care about you.

Clearly you see what I'm trying to say by now.

"Fuck Off"

The people I love and trust are those who have been able to see the lighter side of my humor instead of catching a hurt feeling or two.  

I believe the person I truly am is as introverted as they come.  

I just tend to know what people want.

Sometimes.

Sometimes you feel left in the dark.

Like theres nothing you can do except be there and hope everything is ok?

Isnt that what a mans supposed to do?

I find myself questioning what a true man is supposed to do one specific events but my lack of a father has been a bit of a set back on my learning.

I try my best.

I try to be stern yet loving and sensitive.

I can't make anybody tell me anything.

But i got to admit I hate not knowing.

Holy Shit.

Just when you think you couldn't be happier with that person.

You reach a new level.

Every time you think you cant love someone.

You love them more.

I love her more than anyone could naturally understand.

I still get the butterflies in my stomach i used to get when I would think about dating her.

I always say she isn't of my dreams for my mind couldn't create a love so deep and real.

Damn.

Trying to show a bit a strength lately.

Never really had to work for anything but damnit I'm fighting all my old habits on this one.

This is something I can't do without on any level so time is all I have to fix this.

I haven't been the man I should have been because i started taking things for granted.

She's worth 3 times what I've given so I jus need to man up.

Its jus rough fighting an uphill battle.

Fuck Yea.

Got a car.

In my name.

It's fast ;p

Coming to a friend near you.

WoooooooW.

Shiiit.

Hes got a ways to go before hes near what Eminem did in his earlier days.

But shit Eminem is for them Persians and Cortez Chuck wearin white boys now.

I guess it's Asher's time to shine

Hm.

I definetly don't understand where some think I can't do without them. I have been doing for myself wayyyy more than anybodies simple dollars have equaled a simple solution. I hate talking about my feelings so those who think I need you for "Emotional Support", you actually have urself confused with the annoyances in my life. I don't need a single muther fucking person in my life. Its funny how people may think you need them when it was you who helped them get where they are? When noone else would help you out who would come get you? If I had an extra 20 bucks who would tag you along for the ride wit no worries. Who helped you wit girl problems? Who helped you get that job you won't stop talking about? I choose to hold my peace about helping others for you often sound like a fucking idiot when you tell someone they need you, clearly they survived just fine before you came along. I could honestly cut every fucking person out of my life and get over it. Please take this seriously and don't bother me about it. I'm tired of all of you and if I haven't made it clear yet then my apologies, it will happen soon.

My Vehicle.

I'm not a person who conforms to rules or even other peoples schedule that well, so you can imagine the frustration my mother has put me through in taking my car.  I love being the leader and hate following others and the fact that I've been made a, "passenger", in more than one sense, my skin has acquired a itch i can no longer scratch.  She sold my jeep for no clear reason but to give me a renewed sense of, "ownership", but nothing is learned when you already feel you own the car?  I totally understand how some kids can do for themselves because their families can't do for them, but when your mother drives around in an audi it's kind of annoying watching her pull out the driveway and cruise down you street and yo have o walk down that same street.

When I see a navy blue jeep wrangler drive down the street I can honestly say I fantasize about stealing, on some grand theft auto type shit. Like i wanna yank him out the car, say, "fuck you", and burn rubber down Ventura.  Now I say this with no true intent for I already have enough legal issues, so please don't bug me about it.  But I hope in giving you a closer realistic glimpse at my frustrated psyche, that you can truly understand my anger towards my mother selling my vehicle. 

Wow.

These past few months I can honestly say I've learned a lot about myself.  

Shit.

I've learned alot about other people also.

Alot of friends i considered faithful are actually fake. 

My best of friends have been the biggest of disappointments.

 Truly.

I realize that when I do get back on my feet, which I will, I will no longer do for others as i once did.

I still refuse to get belligerent over simple shit because you need to realize who is going to peak in these next years, *cough*, and who is actually going somewhere in life.

I have sooo much i could go on about in these past few months but I realize a main outlet I've been ignoring is my writing, and bottling things up.

Had a long conversation with my mother and have realized why I've been struggling so hard and why she's been allowing it.  You have to do for yourself, because at the end of the day thats all you have. Shes agreed to ease up and take me car shoping for a used car.  

I now realize why she had so much in her checking.

Eh, niggas who are jealous when you are up, only seem to gloat about helpin you when you down.

Shits funny cause im stressin so hard but im only 18.

I got my whoole life ahead of me.