Fuck me.

I'm really trying to better myself as a person on a conscious and personal level but the devil on my shoulder still says "Fuck It" so loud that I'm almost always conflicted these days within my own damn skull. It's getting extremely difficult to think. How do you actually become a good person when you don't care about others like that? I was raised to fend for myself and do by my own. But when I become dependent on anything, it's never a good thing. It's like I'm an addict and I can't quit my mental drugs. Relieving my emotional stress and anger on my indecent sarcasm and rude remarks to keep people away. If i become a "good person", I still will not like people. How will I keep people away from me then? It's not even like you can just become a good person but I'm really stressing myself out and second guessing my actions after I do it as of late. I'm trying to become a man and stop with the ditching responsibility shit. I want others to make a conscious decision if we are friends or not, off who I am, and or what I aspire to be. Not the car I could drive if my mother cared enough to buy me. Or the Bape I could floss if she spent a quarter of the cash she throws around on my wardrobe. Fuck that shit. I'm trying become a man of my actions and words.

It's time to grow the fuck up.