Stutter Steps.

There's so many different things I could speak on. I guess I'm just going through a stage of maturity and trying to see where I'm going. I find myself getting in the way of me more than anybody else or anything. I almost make myself fail because I'm scared of progress. I'm scared of something actually working. When it does, does that mean thats my career? Everything I put my mind to I exceel in so I guess I'm just looking for my next fix. But I'm looking for my next fix as in something that will keep me busy for the next 10 years. I'm scared of not doing anything and wasting time, but I'm also scared of taking a step towards anything right now because I feel that will almost seal my fate. Succesful people always figure out what they're doing around this age, and I'm just scared of what I'm going to become. Yeah I know college, college, college; but why get a good 60,000 dollar debt for a bullshit degree in communications when that doesn't help shit. I love working with my hands but I'll be damned if I end up a mechanic peddling fender bender bills and overcharging oil changes to make ends meet. I'm to smart for that shit. But then I'm too restless to sit at a desk. My passion is firefighting but the education road for that is so long and almost lonely that I won't really even be considered for the position till I'm like 25! I would give my left nut to be in a firehouse and have that honor and respect, but I guess I can't think that far ahead right now. Everyone is still thinking that like college is the all savior and blah blah but what happens when your graduating class doesn't have a job and you gotta pay for the last 4 years of partying and average grades? When I get in the thick of things I'ma go hard cause I hate debt. I'll be in, do my thing, and be out in the career i need to be. But fuck me if I can't figure that last part out to even start the first.